I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

Deadlikeme just moved me right out of loneliness and into thoughts of romance (a million times thank you!), and hey, I am seeing something here. Gents out there - I am getting indications from a number of you that things are just not ok in the Love Department.

Now some of you have it going on, I know. And those of you with the power of soulful, romantic prose at your disposal, well, I bow at your feet. I am sure you have no problem melting the hearts of the female species.

The rest of you, listen up. I know in your minds you are all Unstoppable Love Machines. But here's the deal. Women require some artful foreplay, and not just the touchy kind. We like to be coaxed, wanted, adored, and gently led along the path to the bedroom. You can't just stand there, and hold Mr. Happy in your hand, grinning sheepishly and say, "Doncha' want some?"

No, you gotta do a little work.

You're probably all howling in unison that women don't even know what they want, so how's a poor guy supposed to figure it out?

Well help is here at hand.

Er, on the screen, thank you.

Let me give you some ideas of things to do for your lady loves. I make no guarantees that ONE will do the trick by itself. But a nightly serving up of some romance for your woman, well, I am pretty confident by the end of the week she will be eyeing you for a lot more than how cute you look holding a hammer.

And by the way, men look their absolute sexiest when cooking an exquisite dinner, or adding a bathroom, or a whole second floor.

Just so you know...

So, here we go: Things you can do, little, even inexpensive things, to let your lady know you want her (and to which she will actually respond):

1. Listen to her. Just look into her eyes, see how pretty she is in certain lights, and open yourself to her. Don't fix her, tell her what she needs to do, or let your eyes glaze over and drool roll out of your mouth from sheer boredom. Sit up, be attentive, make eye contact, ask questions for clarification, and use your WHOLE body as a listening device.

2. Light her way with candles. This is ultra romantic. Wouldn't you love to walk up to your porch, and see the house is darkened, but hey, what's this? 20 tealights ($1.49 at the drug store) lighting a path to....well wherever you are in the house. Maybe it's the dinner table where you are rendering your mastery of Julia Child's crash course in sensual French cuisine. This leads to....

3. The sensual dinner. Make her something delectable, that requires you eat with your fingers. Couscous dishes, Indian food, cheese, bread, wine, and fruit - well, any of this works. But there is something alluring about having to touch your food, feel it, taste it, and really get your body involved in the experience of eating. This leads to....

4. Feed her. By hand. Tenderly. With blindfold for added eroticism. Saw 9 1/2 weeks, did ya? Well use it!

Now, a note here. These things work best with no pressure for sex. If she knows up front this is all about getting in her pants, well you've bungled again. In fact, the idea is to NOT push for sex.

This will confuse her, and get her wondering what you are up to.

And if you keep this up, she will eventually do what you've been wanting all along...

She'll chase YOU.

OK back to the list.

5. Flowers. A single one. If you hate buying something that's already dying, or don't want to be bothered with finding out her favorite flower, then buy one daisy and put it at her place at the table. Buy one rose and lay it on her pillow. Attach one small hand-written love note. One or two lines is best. And it better not say something like, "Brevity is the soul of wit". Pirate something from Shakespeare, or deadlikeme if you can't compose your own. The point is, use the words and the small but -oh so romantic- gesture to get her.

6. Play a song for her, preferably her favorite, which would imply you've taken the initiative to find out what that is. But it better be something fabulously romantic. Avoid Bad to the Bone, Friends in Low Places, Women on the Trashy Side, You Give Love a Bad Name, or other such unsuitable pieces. Save those for your beer-belly male friends. You need to put on anything by Seal, Barry White, Teddy Pendergrass, or preferably, whatever is her favorite romantic music. For no reason, other than you know she likes it. You could also make eyes at her (not google eyes, just flirting eyes. There's something hot about someone who wants you looking right into your eyes.)

7. Sing to her - that's always hot as long as your voice doesn't explode windows or attract cats and mooses to scream in lust at you.

8. Watch romantic movies with her. Try not to nod off and drool, whether you are watching Shakespeare in Love, or Howard's Other End, but periodically grab your heart, look at her and sigh. Preferably at the right moment....like when they kiss, rather then when the old lady keels over.

9. Cross your legs, put a pillow in your lap, and lie her down with her face in your lap, looking UP at you. (see I know how you think). Then tell her to close her eyes, have the candles lit, and the music on, and just caress her face for 20 minutes, softly tracing out every feature, lingering on her lips. Nothing more. Take turns if you like and let her do the same for you. The idea is to build the desire.

10. Walk on the beach with her at sunset. Or take a walk anywhere at sunset where you can just be quiet together and just be. Hold her hand as often as you can. Kiss her fingers softly. Again, look in the eyes...

Now, there are many more, but this is enough to get you started. Good luck, godspeed, and all that.

May Eros shoot your beloved in the heart as just reward for your gifts at his altar. May you find yourselves enraptured in the sweet arms of Love.

And of course, here's hoping you get some action!