I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

You have to (or I have to) wonder why life is so cruel. Why is happiness so hard to find? Why does Aphrodite withold her gifts of love in my life?  That bitch....

Lately, I have come to the conclusion that it was so I could write a major screenplay.

Don't laugh.

Work with me here.

I have been working this week on the plan for my documentary film on the collision of two archetypal forces in young girls, and the resultant eruptions, for which we roundly condemn said girls. I mean here the push to become overly sexual too early, colliding with the force of assimilation working against a budding sense of identity.

Let me pull that out of scholar-land for a moment. Those of you just exiting puberty know what I mean in plain English  - you are being pushed to give in and give it up, but doing so renders you a slut. What a shitty con game is this, eh? Your one bargaining chip is useless either way. Withold, and you are a prude. Give in, well, you tart you. And you have little sense of self, oh, before about the age of 25 unless you were some kind of major overachiever through childhood.

So I am writing this plan for this documentary film: why we need to shoot it NOW, target audiences, and projecting budget and revenues needed to make this film. I want to do major film festival tours in 2006. I need 5 angst-ridden girls between 12-15 to do the film. I have the concept. I know what I want.

And I am yawning!

This film needs to be made. I can tell this story. I have the skills.

But another screenplay is screaming to be written. A fictional one, based on my life right at this point. See, my own personal dilemma is providing amazing fodder for my screen writing skills. More to come later, but let's just say it's going to be fantastic. I am thinking of shelving my documentary film (and my PhD?) for the time being and seeing if I can get my current film crew to work on this once we finish Neptune Cowboy.

And the name?

Well, I am still working on it, but the sub-title is "One woman's riotous journey to wholeness,"

Rene Zelweiger could play me...with relish. It features looks into the camera at opportune moments aka Ferris Bueller, a fearless new-agey heroine who rigorously reviews the Tarot while getting a PhD in Esoterica and a love story that will leave you gasping and asking, "what the hell just happened there????"

And how does it all turn out? It's a mystery....Ok back to it...