I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

I am writing the paper from hell on Dante and depression (right there is depressing enough, must I go further). I found myself quitting after a hard 31 minutes of writing what reads back as slop, despite what I thought were incredibly brilliant ideas (they all are, in my mind. It's on paper that I see how weak they really are). Well, it was all just too hard, so I decided I needed a Break.

Being unable to find anything truly amusing to do at my desk, I started reading Joel Stein's column by accident. Yes I was so bored I was actually reading the LA Times online. I stumbled onto his column and started laughing.

Now, when was the last time I did that? Laughed? It's been a while...what with a hardass gig in Silicon Valley where they work you to death on the minute chance that This time This bunch of geeks will Finally have Tapped into the Big One and will now proceed to GET FILTHY FRICKIN' RICH.

Of course, in my experience, they get rich, and I seem to get very tired and patted on the back with something called Vested Options that never seem to go above water.

So ok I am tired. But that ended a week ago.

And the love situation rots. There's no romance. The Right Guy is lost on the way to me, apparently. He's probably still trying to make things work with the Wrong Woman. All in training for me since I stand here patiently waiting, having had reams of experience with Wrong Partners by now. But it's been like that for ages, so this is nothing new.

My daughter and I fight more. My ex berates my ass over every little thing and yet offers no help.

Hmm. But still, why have I stopped being fun?

Why have I stopped playing pranks? Being a trickster? Calling friends? Hanging out? Flirting with men?

What's up with that? Am I depressed? Am I overwhelmed with responsibilities and feel there's no time left in the day for fun?

Well that's clearly gotta' stop.

From this moment on, I pledge to stop working, quit writing crap for school, and do only things which are Fun. I pledge to pinch the butts of cute guys who stand next to me in line at the grocery store. I pledge to die my hair vermillion. I pledge to wear boxers over my sweat pants and bras over my tank tops. I pledge to laugh when the dog farts. I pledge to tear up my bills and just let the creditors get mad over it. I pledge to be juicy. I pledge to be lighter. I pledge to resume my tricksterish way ASAP and get in trouble as soon as possible. 

There. That feels better.