I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

OK, enough politics for a while. I am fed up with bombastic belligerent bellicose Bush et al.

The soul longs for Something Else.

So I shall yield.

First - my picture change. In keeping with the spirit of the day, which seems to me to be asking for a leap of consciousness, I loaded my self-portrait called "Undone" because I feel like undergoing a little derangement. This is the derangement (pronounced deh rahnj mon) that the French philosophers speak of.

A little undoing, so to speak, so as to see better.

So let me proceed, with a little derangement.

While in meditation the other day, I felt an energy with me. I was supposed to be visualizing a forest and stream, and centering myself. Yet here was this....presence or energy. I decided to wander into the imaginal woods anyway but to ask my companion to accompany me, and find out who this was.

I realized my companion was larger than me...much larger, and that it was a she. A powerful she. As I moved deeper into the meditation and questioned the presence, I then became aware it was Lilleth.

This is odd. I have no connection (that I am aware of) to the figure of Lilleth. I haven't even located the texts yet that speak of her, though she has travelled to us through myth. She was the woman God made before Eve. But Lilleth didn't do what God or Adam wanted, since she was apparently a strong-willed woman, and so she went away, and God had to try again with Eve.

I have said I haven't located the texts that contain her story, but I have the Gnostic gospels now, and am working through them. I am still on the Sophia piece there. But if Lilleth is contained within those pages, I will find her eventually.

I am not sure what message Lilleth would have had for me, but I wanted to find out.

So I followed her, since she was now leading through the woods. I came to see her as a beautiful, splendid individual with a long gown that didn't touch the leaves on the ground but rather hovered above it.

As we walked, I was reminded of Descartes' assertion that the feminine is irrational, dark, uncontrollable, and to be feared. Therefore, it is up to the logical, masculine, rational force to control and contain it.

Female anger is often more greatly feared than male anger precisely because it can be so dangerous. Men who are angry lash out, hit, yell, storm, slam doors, and then apologize.

Women who become deeply angry stop yielding. They cease opening. They stop working on relationship. And if angry enough, they leave and go their own way.

But as I went further, I realized that it is woman's lot to be unhappy, it seems, especially with men, and I have always wondered why this is so. The realization came through in patches that perhaps the feminine energy is needed to break through when logic and reason have landed us somewhere perhaps logical but completely insane.

Most war situations come to mind on that score.

Perhaps that unhappiness with the actions of the masculine mindset, which has dominated western thinking for the past 2500 years, is woman's lot because it is hers to change and hers to provide the other half of the thinking process which has been largely blocked. I don't mean here for men to embrace their feminine side and therefore be perceived as weak. This isn't a male / female issue. It's an issue with masculine vs feminine thinking processes, and embracing that part of our humanity and our thinking that understands why the irrational manifests itself as part of the process of evolution when the masculine side has spun itself out of control with endless permutations of logic and reason to believing that things like GMO foods are where we should be heading, for example.

But more on that another day. Today I must be off to LA, land of smog, sillicone, scintillation, and smut.

I am pleased that Lilleth came to visit me that day, for whatever reason, other than that I actively think about these things and am therefore open to such energies.

I look forward to finding her story and learning more....