I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

Not sure that I have any of this thoroughly thought through (is that enough th's for ya?) but I am so intrigued by this subject, I feel compelled to try.

I am Aquarian, and supposedly open marriage and communal arrangements are attributed to this sign, and thus I should have some comfort level with them.

And yet, when I think about how to navigate these kinds of relationships, I find myself stuck a little, intellectually. I feel some internal resistance. Maybe I am not as open or flexible as I imagine to emotionally be able to handle open marriage, multiple concurrent love relationships, or my spouse having a love affair.

OUCH!! Was that an electric shock that just swept through me on the writing of that last statement?

OK, I guess I cannot embrace the idea of my spouse having an affair at all. I don't have a spouse anymore, but if I did, I see now I can't take an affair.

Nor do I want to be the one having the affair, either as a married or single person. At one time, when I was more commitment averse, that kind of thing seemed really attractive. You can't get in trouble with committment, and with people wanting to take the relationship further when they are in no position to commit since they are already married.

Isn't human logic fascinating in this regard? Oh the scenes we construct to keep us from having to face our life task...

But no - the affair thing is not for me, apparently, and yet surprisingly, extra-marital affairs continue to turn up on offer with the regularity of federal deficits. I feel like the Universe is telling me something, and once or twice (ok, really, 600 times) I have contemplated jumping in with both feet....but in the end, I am just too much of an Alpha Female to be able to handle being anyone's mistress.

Now, mental gymnastics is something I do engage in with worthy partners. I truly revel in exploring someone intellectually on many levels, and sometimes that can lead to feelings of desire or love when the mental connection is really exciting and really really good, like roller coaster ride good. These situations are mucho tempting, but if in relationship, I don't stray sexually. Something in my wants to be loyal, and to remain at the side of my mate.

I realize many cultures outside the US have affairs and different marriage arrangements built in to the culture, and therefore they have a way of dealing with these things rather than heading straight for the divorce lawyer as we do in the US. And I suppose if I were Japanese, or Italian, or French, I might think differently on this subject. I might be cool with the idea that my hubby gets some on the side when I am not in the mood, or don't want to deal with him any longer, or no longer find him attracted, and that this also entitles me to same when I get a little bored. And hey, as long as it doesn't fuck up the family situation, who is it hurting?

But then that little voice inside me that has been trained by watching a really strong marriage in action for 20+ years says, "Ahhh, but why would you need something else if you were getting what you needed at home?"

And I know I wouldn't even be open to others if my relationship were providing what I needed.

Ok, so maybe that explains the opening to affairs and why they happen. Two people together after a while just get a bit stale, or stop giving it their all in the relationship. Maybe, instead of navigating love's tougher challenges, they just get bored, or tired, and give up. It's just too hard to deal with him/her. Then you need to go looking elsewhere for what you lack, because you can't find it at home.

But it doesn't have to be that way. I am witnessing 2 marriages at this time, both in my family, where the partners involved will go to the mat every time to do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going and strong.

Every time.

And they do it because they want the relationship more than they want other things. The survival of their relationship is their number one priority, and everything else takes the back seat, including children, ambitions, and family. As a child, I of course took umbrage with this, but as a divorced adult, I am beginning to see the beauty in such a strong connection.

And though extra-marital affairs and divorce are, sadly, also part of my family make-up, and thus some could argue, part of my karma, the fact that these 2 super-strong marriages are close to me suggests that there is some path here for me to wade through, some light at the end of this sometimes very dark tunnel. I can live in the lower form of relationship, if I choose, with a broken heart and wounded psyche, always longing for something more but settling for something less. Or I could hold out and demand for myself that union, not ethereal or dreamy in its superficial perfection, but real and continually engaged, where a lifetime of learning opportunities continually unfolds. I think a really good marriage is where two complete people join together to further themselves and explore wholeness in the context of relationship.

So, now having wandered through this little meditation, I wish I could do the affair thing, or the open marriage thing, and part of me is still silently attracted to that. BUT for the long haul, I want the relationship where we both want it to continue so much that we go to the mat for it.

Every time.

"Think not that you can direct the course of love, for if it finds you worthy, it will direct you." Kahlil Gibrain.

Ok, ok, so direct me already! I am aging here....:-))

So, now how to deal with those overwhelming, intense attractions to the unavailable people that threaten to sweep you under, but which in your heart you know are just a super-size portion of pain looking for a place to happen??

Ruh roh....I feel my feet getting wet here, is that hormone soup around my ankles? Rising swiftly?

Quite possibly...

So, best to take the wee one to breakfast, I think, and meditate more about these topics for later.

I am going to see Lysistrata today - so here in the height of the political season, I shall really be engaged in thinking about power, sex, and politics - now THERE'S a safe group of topics for Sunday dinner, eh???!

I shall report later....