I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

Is there really such a thing?

You know, where you're supposed to have sex on the third date?

Given my recent re-entry into dating, I wondered about this, so I asked some friends. Surprisingly (or not) men and women answered completely differently. The men mostly said, yes, by the end of that all-important third date, they had expectations  of sex. One said that if it's been a month, it's time to try out the merchandise.  Others said they knew about the rule, but didn't push it necessarily on the girl. They read her signals, and if they felt they were eventually going to get some, they'd let it proceed at her pace.

I imagine this is tough for men because they would love to know at what point there will be a payoff, I suppose, versus the investment they are putting in.

God that sounds positively mercantile, doesn't it???

Now women answered totally differently. They felt a lot of pressure to give in by the third date, and worried about it. Others of my more enthusiastic friends wanted to go for it on the first date, but then hated that morning-after feeling.

I might have been like that some years ago, but have had to learn some excruciatingly painful lessons about the difference between sexual passion and real love. At this point in my life, I'd rather wait and see if I really know someone well, and am really attracted to them over time before yielding to the urgings of passion. I am seeing someone now, and after a few dates, I find I am really attracted to him, and vice versa. But I get the sense to wait it out a little longer, and make sure things are really right, because I just frankly don't have the time to waste on these things if they're just going to be infatuations with no substance. I've learned that when you have sex with someone, you really intermingle with them on many levels, and extrication becomes difficult when it doesn't work out. Best not to start unless it's really got good chances for the long term.

But that's me.

So what about it? Is there such a 'rule', and dang it, why are there so many rules around the opposite sexes getting together in the first place????