I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

1. It's your job as parent to help them navigate the culture. Think they'll find their way through this maze on their own? Have you? Good luck. You have to keep your eyes open to their strengths, and then find every opportunity to get them into programs and slots that work those talents. On their own, kids seldom have enough starting power to find their way. Lighting the fire of their ambition is your job.

2. Anomalies are your window into reality. They show you a piece of the picture you're not seeing. When a child does something out of the norm, it may be that it's out of your norm. Could be that your picture's a little out of date. Here's your chance to open your lens and see what's really going on. Resist the urge to say, "Oh that was just a one time thing when he hit that kid...." or "she didn't really mean to lie to me...."

3. Correct now or pay hell later. When a kid lies to you, doesn't listen, talks back, or otherwise moves out of the desired line of behavior, you have to correct it ASAP. Letting it slide means you've established a new reality for them - it's become part of their acceptable behavior....unless you make it clear on the spot that it's not. If you don't correct it then, and let it slide, it kind of accumulates like a global warming effect - when you finally figure out you've got a problem, it's REALLY hard to correct....

4. Birds of a feather....You can pretty much bet that your child will gravitate to kids in similar family situations to their own. And this can be surprising to you. If you're somewhat marginal, their friends will be too. You might be a single parent, and they might take up with the kids of the interracial couple, or the couple who feature eccentricity. If your friends don't support you, or treat you well, neither will theirs. We are all the time creating the reality we find....

5. Your social issues are your child's social issues, like it or not. Guess what? All that stuff you didn't fix in your own life now resurfaces in your child's life. Are you not assertive enough? They won't be either. Are you a victim? They will be too. Are you a little too rebellious? A little too dreamy and mystical? Here's your chance to work on your 'stuff' once and for all. This time, though, you have to do it with your own little person standing there, watching, and learning.

And I am still learning....