I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

My play went live Friday night. I was given 3 comp tickets for opening weekend. As stage manager, I am really happy about working on this play. Set in Texas, it has barrels of laughs and some tense moments that give you insight into what's working on a character. I really was happy about it, and wanted to share some of that with friends.

So I invited my women's group down for the dress rehearsal Thursday night. Opening night, I gave a ticket to an old boyfriend who's since turned out to be a marvelous friend. And Saturday night, I gave a ticket to a girlfriend who's a bit lost at the moment, and a next-door neighbor friend who did years of non-equity theater in Los Angeles.

Now, the theater is 45 minutes south of Santa Barbara in the little burg of Oxnard. As a town, the 'Nard doesn't have much going for it, but it does have this little shoebox theater, and it does have a cute little Italian place next door with a wine bar in the basement. The nice thing about that wine bar is that it is very inexpensive. One can trot down there and have $4 drinks....far less pricey than Santa Barbara, where a mediocre glass of wine will set you back $8.

Thursday night, we had a few wobbles during the show, as one expects for dress rehearsal. A good dress rehearsal actually signals a bad opening night, so wobbles are welcome. My women's group arrived en caravan, carrying flowers and a card. They raved about the show, and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. They hung about to meet the cast afterwards, and encouraged me to date the director. They hugged me goodbye, and loaded up the car to head back up to Santa Barbara, blowing kisses and encouragement as they left.

I love them for that.

Friday night, opening night, we had a great show and a thoroughly engaged audience. My old boyfriend came up from LA for the show, and really enjoyed himself. The press were in attendance and we had a photo session afterwards.

The name of the second act is Lone Star, after the famous Texas beer. The actors drink several Lone Stars in the second act. I had procured real Lone Star beers from Texas for props in the show, which impressed the producer to no end.  Now we can't have drunk actors, so after rehearsals, I had encouraged the cast to drink a Lone Star, and then I'd refill the empties with root beer for use in the show. We still had some real Lone Stars left on opening night, and seeing that the wine bar was too loud with a rocking blues band, my friend and I decided to pull up a couple of chairs in a beautiful courtyard, listen to the blues drifting out the door, and knock back a couple of Lone Stars. Merkeles, the theater cat, came and hung out with us, sitting on my friend's lap for a while. We left at 1:00 AM, and I drove home next to a coastline of sparkling water under a moonlit sky.

A thoroughly perfect night.

Saturday night, my two friends arrived at my home, and we drove down together to save gas. I had to be at the theater early to set up, so they went next door and had light appetizers and wine. The lighting board went out on us during the show (GASP!) and I had to do some emergency recovery, but was successful, to the profound relief of the producer and cast. Additionally. the crowd was much snootier and harder to please. After the show, there was a party next door at the wine bar, and the restaurant had provided some really good food for the cast and crew. My two friends were already next door, already drinking. When I arrived, they proceeded to tell me how bad the show was, how the actors were weak on this or that part, and how they needed better directing. They bitched and moaned about a lot of niggly details. I felt really embarassed, especially since my tech girl sat with us. She was a little offput as well. Then my friend turned the conversation to herself, and her singing career (????) and how she wanted better coaching. As I listened to this sniping and self-promotion, I looked around the wine bar and saw the cast having a lot of fun, interacting with others, and patting each other on the back.

Why was I at this table, I wondered?

I paid my tab and drove my friends home, angered, but unsure as to why. In the morning, I knew why. I really wasted two good comp tickets on two underserving people. Their behavior was very gauche, and it pissed me off. I give you free tickets, and even drive you to the show, and all you can do is bitch? It seemed really inappropriate to me, probably even more so given the behavior of my other friends each night previously.
I told off the female friend over a drink the next day. Another friend helped me realize that I did have expectations, and this was probably wrong. However, I also held my ground and said still, the behavior was gauche and I was annoyed by it. She agreed, apologized, and wanted to buy me a drink. I accepted, and we moved on.  Ironically, the manager at the bar gave us quite a lot of free drinks, very generously, and so my friend was off the hook with nary an expense!

But I learned something. There's an old phrase in the Bible that shows up repeatedly elsewhere: Don't throw your pearls before the feet of swine...or something like that. Tis true, really, because expectations aside, you just KNOW some people are not really going to handle your gifts well. I had a great artist friend, an animator, who couldn't come down for the free dress rehearsal. Why didn't I save one of my comp tickets for HER? She would have really appreciated it, and probably would have been tons of fun hanging out with the cast and crew afterwards.

I have lately been drained by some of my 'friends', who demand more than they give. I don't like to keep score but when I get continually exhausted by some people, I pretty much know the balance of accounts without doing any math. I think I need to be very careful about the kinds of people I pull around me when it comes to creative endeavors, and sniping self-obsessed individuals need to be off the list. Only the supportive should be allowed. Part of me says, well, a true friend does not participate in your destruction, so you need to help your friends grow a little. Fair enough. But if you continue to drain me and not appreciate my gifts, why must I continue to stand here and give them? I think there are better uses of my energy and time, yes?

Wonder what's going to happen next weekend....