I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

Some isolated (or perhaps not) expectations and behaviors I have noticed by the two sexes recently:

- never married or divorced women who've attained financial independence and a decent economic standing long for a man with a big strong chest to lay their heads upon, and big strong arms to hold them. The women yearn to not have to be so much in control, to not have to be so alone, to not have to be so strong all the time. They either meet men with more financial means, who want to date younger women, or they meet younger men with less financial status than they have that can never really be more than a lover because equality is not really present from the start. Men of their own age sometimes seem to be from another planet, with totally different expectations about what love and marriage mean, and quickly remind them of the marriage they've exited...

- men who are married who've taken a 'yes dear' stance to living within the burdens of marriage. At work, to me, they seem very demasculated and resigned to doing as the woman asks, while passively resisting it. They seem to enjoy thrusting me, as their project manager, into a 'bitch wife' role when urging them to complete their tasks rather than just assigning the task, and getting it done.

- unmarried men (divorced and never married) looking for an easier woman. A woman with lower expectations, who has a job perhaps, and who provides companionship and affection. Could evolve into something longer term, but on the first signs it might, these men become very protective and even defensive over their finances.

- married women who resent that they may be the larger income-earner, and yet are still expected to do the majority of the housework and childcare responsibilities. They are angry at their partner for a host of reasons: for not earning more, for not doing more, for not being more. They find themselves on an icy landscape where they are making the house note and car notes, while their husbands enjoy football games or guy things and don't seem to have any ambition to propel themselves further in life. It appears as though the woman's success, rather than inspiring her mate to do more himself, has given him permission to kick back, and coast. He may have some household duties, but he does barely enough, and expects her to pick up the main part of it. However, should he have some pressing career concern or need to take a business trip, all household duties immediately shift to her.

- women tend to take one of three responses to men: an urge to merge and find THE ONE after exiting an imbalanced relationship; two, anger with men for not keeping up with the changes women have undergone; or three, indifference. Either women don't date, date 'down', or take lovers with no strings to fulfill their needs.

- men tend to take one of three responses to women: find someone younger and more accomodating than the ex-wife, with less expectations - a move to dating 'downstream'; two - move into severe anger with women over the split-up, the financial situation, and the sense of being left; three - a longing to find the right woman while navigating the slippery slope of online dating.

One wonders, after being granted access to this little view of the dating / relationship scene, if there is any possibility for happiness. Both approach the situation with completely different expectations, and to me, at least, it seems we are in the middle of a swing from the traditional relationship the sexes have had for centuries to some new model that has not yet worked itself out. Since at least Roman times, marriage was a way to unite properties, produce heirs and workers (depending on the marriage's financial standing), and guarantee a man property rights over his wife, and her protection since she often had no rights of her own.

Clearly, in the last century, all this has shifted. Women find themselves edging into men's territory far more than at any other time in history. Why wouldn't changing roles in the economic and power spheres roll to the domestic sphere? Science is showing that the Y chromosone is changing, and losing some of its power.  Men seem to be becoming more feminised, and yet in certain parts of the world, the repression against women has achieved new heights as a reaction to the perceived loss of men's power.

It seems to me that perhaps my daughter's daughter may see an evening of the roles, a new balance attained. However, for my generation, clearly the 'fairy tale' is lost, and the outcome of the shifting roles is far from certain.

I watch women exit marriages that have failed to satisfy in many areas, and do not generate sufficient financial reserves for the couple. These women enter the dating scene with high hopes that at last their dreams will materialize in the form of a man who will love and protect them, take care of them, treat them with respect, help with domestic duties, be concerned about their careers, and support the woman in achieving her aims. Instead, they find what I've described above: anger, resentment, fear, lust, distrust, and a sense that the dating world is a buffet where one can take and choose as they like. The men find themselves out of marriages rather unexpectedly, and immediately look for a lover or replacement, only to find women cagey, nervous, status-seeking, and expecting all the ritual courting behaviors while being unwilling to share the cost.

As I watch this collision of expectations, I find it no surprise that match.com and other sites have gained enormous popularity. The move here is attempt to control - find the expectations out first, see if you can meet them, or not, and choose accordingly. The more we know about a potential mate, the smarter decision we can make, yes?

However, this does not seem to be any more successful, because people can LIE on their profiles, and often do, or embellish their good points while masking their flaws. Craigslist seems to be the new hook-up zone in the virtual world, but the hook-up there is men seeking sex and women seeking soulmates - hardly a more successful model.

I suspect both sexes need a reality check, and women in particular need to divest themselves of the Cinderella myth. We can hardly expect to compete with men on their ground, and then expect them to fulfill all of our dreams romantically. Men had better divest themselves of the Ozzie and Harriet myth - you cannot expect to satisfy a woman carrying the financial load in the relationship while not lending your energies to support her career, and barely lifting a finger on the domestic front. Women are finding the sexiest men to be those with amazing culinary skills, who play instruments, or write poetry. They will accept the financial inequality if there are compensating factors elsewhere.

The times they are a changing....can't wait to see how it all turns out.