I don't have the answers yet, but I have learned enough to be dangerous, and ask better questions..

Right now, I think....no I KNOW... I have finally become tired of this seemingly one way trip through Lonelyville. It's a nice enough looking place from the brochures, but every time I turn around, I am alone again. Even the other lonely hearts here don't speak to each other, never mind to me.

There was a time when I enjoyed being alone, and wasn't lonely. In fact, I was kind of shunning relationship so I could get on with an important piece of work in my life, and not be dragged off the track as I often am in love affairs. Being alone was great, then it moved to being ok, then for a while it was merely workable, and now, well...

.....recent events have rendered the situation intolerable.

Why is it so damnably difficult to be with that one special person I really want to connect with...on every level? Why can I not have that tender man in whose arms I can finally bare myself, into whose eyes I can look without fear of what I will see there, and who will tell me honestly "I want to keep dancing this dance with you, babe..."

I know I can get laid tonight... like in 10 minutes, if that's what I want. As my good friend Delbert Haynes used to say, "Sharon, you GOT people you can call. Now, everybody may not be on the A list, but you GOT folks' numbers when you need them."

But it isn't just sex I crave.

It's union.

On every level.

Is this suffering, this ache of being lonely.... is it going to be worth it...ever?

Do I require this humbling so I can perhaps appreciate the right person when they (if they?) do turn up?

Maybe I really am such a twit that I would stumble all over the person I really should love with all my heart. Maybe I am so far off my game that I could bump into my soul mate tomorrow, you know, like with coffee in my hand, spilling it on my blouse, and I would probably tell him to piss off in annoyance.... rather than see what's standing there in front of me.

Probably this is bad.



No, I am sure this is bad.

Probably I would drive such a man off inside of three weeks if it weren't for all this...stripping, no, this damned descent into a really dark place that I am enduring.

I shall have no pride left at the end of this.

Probably this is good.

But I am no longer sure this is good.

God I only hope that I am being made ready for someone...wonderful... that I would otherwise completely fuck up a relationship with...because I really don't think I can take the profound emptiness too much longer here in Lonelyville.

Looking for the station to buy that one way ticket out of here....

Edited later to add song lyrics from "Can't Find My Way Home"

Come down on your own
and leave your body 'lone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been waiting all these years
Somebody holds the key
But I'm near the end and just ain't got the time
Ohhhhh and I'm wasted and I
can't find my way home